How do you mend a broken heart? (Part 1)

Damn, Damn, Damn it, I did it again! Check me into Heartbreak Hotel. Another failed love, another risk, gain, then horribly tragic loss. When will I learn? Learn what though? To not love at all? I can't stop loving but I can be wiser in how I love the next time and how I maintain that love. Forgive me but I am in desperate need of blog-therapy and have discovered that there are absolutely no books out there on how to heal a gay broken heart and there is no pill to take away the pain of the knife wedged in my heart. All I do have is time to process what caused the collapse and in the words of a friend, "take it not day by day but hour by hour".

This love lost was the grandest, most beautiful and real love I ever had in my life, challenging me to the best version of me possible. It renewed my faith that a true and mutual love is possible in the Gay world of today with real morals and real fidelity. It even got me believing in the "M-word" (marriage) for the first time. He was my rock, my confidant, my protector, my burning love, my privilege to have and to hold every night.

The beautiful spell I was under for almost 2 years has been broken and turned into a beautiful lie overnight. Where's my brokeback cowboy that doesn't know how to quit me? Where is the loyalty that lasts a lifetime?

Am I an outdated dinosaur? Is this kind of love a thing of the past in our throwaway and unsustainable society? Or is it something people will strive towards in our next evolutionary step?

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Afternoon thoughts

Here's how I feel when most people turn off their eyes after five minutes of my luck theory lecture, though I can't even finish of the introductions. Every day like a big zoo around :) but it's all right, better than you think. If others feel the same about me, it is all uber :)

Coffee in your cornflakes

Once I had a lecture by Professor Ian Robertson about forgetfulness, distraction and inattention. Why do we sometimes pour coffee in our cornflakes instead of milk? Why don't we remember how we find ourselves somewhere else? Leaving home with slippers, etc. The answer to all the questions is automation, which is the result of routine and loos of the joy of life. Despite the fact that one of the most sophisticated mechanisms in the world is installed between our ears, a normal statistical person on the way to work does not look around, he does not know how many and what buildings are around, do not look at people, can not even tell the colour of the co-workers' eyes. Most of our behavioural complexes are habits. It's like a soft which w e will gradually install ourselves. Looks like we look, but we don't see it because we don't pay attention. To sum up, we control only a small part of our actions, and we leave the rest of the controls in the brain. So we tur...

Confession of go-go boy (Part 2)

I didn't always look like that. Have you ever heard the story of the "Ugly Duckling"? Right now, you're looking at it, I didn't always look like that. I always lucked confidence, even I could win most of the time. But a lot of people could say I can, I'm good. These deep roots of mistrust have always paved the way for my dream to stand and dance. My dad chose my path for me when it came time to choose between dance school (Fagot - says - "not my son" blah blah blah) and architecture school, Until now I could not convince him so far that interior design (3 years) studies were like "pure" architecture (7 years). Even after leaving the parent's nest and twisting the nest for several months in LA, I still couldn't follow my dream - dance, because I was fighting the best guys (shit, I didn't have good body shape), I wasn't the best looking guy (I needed a little more time to strip my look), and I didn't know anyone who...

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