Pages of my gayish life

It was after dancing at XXL club and at the same time we were working every week at Fire I realized that evening after evening after a long night of dancing, drinking, chatting I was back home alone AGAIN. I realized this when I was at the entrance to the club and greeted every hot guy who was waiting in line, I realized this when I was moving my little bum on the stage and spent the whole evening behind the scenes instead of being with everyone as a "stage boy". Just then I realized that I was crying, because I went home again alone, and because I was unrealistically tired. I was crying because all those years I was on the stage expecting, "If only" "if it were me" "I would be happy," I sincerely believed that if I was that guy with Aussiebum undies, everyone would want ME! That life will fall into place, the feeling of mistrust will disappear, that the guy I was looking for will appear. That everything will end magically as in fairy tales. ...

I didn't always look like that. Have you ever heard the story of the "Ugly Duckling"? Right now, you're looking at it, I didn't always look like that. I always lucked confidence, even I could win most of the time. But a lot of people could say I can, I'm good. These deep roots of mistrust have always paved the way for my dream to stand and dance. My dad chose my path for me when it came time to choose between dance school (Fagot - says - "not my son" blah blah blah) and architecture school, Until now I could not convince him so far that interior design (3 years) studies were like "pure" architecture (7 years). Even after leaving the parent's nest and twisting the nest for several months in LA, I still couldn't follow my dream - dance, because I was fighting the best guys (shit, I didn't have good body shape), I wasn't the best looking guy (I needed a little more time to strip my look), and I didn't know anyone who...