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Confession of go-go boy (Part 2)


I didn't always look like that. Have you ever heard the story of the "Ugly Duckling"? Right now, you're looking at it, I didn't always look like that. I always lucked confidence, even I could win most of the time. But a lot of people could say I can, I'm good.

These deep roots of mistrust have always paved the way for my dream to stand and dance. My dad chose my path for me when it came time to choose between dance school (Fagot - says - "not my son" blah blah blah) and architecture school, Until now I could not convince him so far that interior design (3 years) studies were like "pure" architecture (7 years). Even after leaving the parent's nest and twisting the nest for several months in LA, I still couldn't follow my dream - dance, because I was fighting the best guys (shit, I didn't have good body shape), I wasn't the best looking guy (I needed a little more time to strip my look), and I didn't know anyone who could help me and it didn't help my inferiority. Point is that I like to dance and I can dance, obviously I can! I always wanted to dance, I always wanted to express myself in some way. My work requires creativity, and even though I was already designing buildings and I was close to millions, I wasn't satisfied with what I did - I still wanted to dance.

As always, it's like a drug - shit that's a drug - shit it's better with drugs! And I moved to this crazy party city where you can dance every night while I stand in the club watching the go-go boys. Looking at all those other guys watching the go-go boys and think, "God, I could do that, not only to fulfil my dream of dancing, but I thought if I was good enough - just good enough to get up on the podium, be asked to work there. - then I could be, the object of dreams - if I were there, everyone could see that somehow magically my distrust is melting, and if someone gave me a chance - it was worth so much that the doubts and fears I have would simply disappear.

More than that, I felt that if I could do it, if I were the boy everyone else was looking at, I could give myself what I so longed for - a relationship. Not any relationship - I could have any relationship if I just wanted to ... I was hoping to get there and dance and then get access to the source of the relationship. Relationships where I feel really loved, relationships, relationships with "that one"


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