confession of go-go boy (Part 3)

It was after dancing at XXL club and at the same time we were working every week at Fire I realized that evening after evening after a long night of dancing, drinking, chatting I was back home alone AGAIN. I realized this when I was at the entrance to the club and greeted every hot guy who was waiting in line, I realized this when I was moving my little bum on the stage and spent the whole evening behind the scenes instead of being with everyone as a "stage boy". Just then I realized that I was crying, because I went home again alone, and because I was unrealistically tired. I was crying because all those years I was on the stage expecting, "If only" "if it were me" "I would be happy," I sincerely believed that if I was that guy with Aussiebum undies, everyone would want ME! That life will fall into place, the feeling of mistrust will disappear, that the guy I was looking for will appear. That everything will end magically as in fairy tales.

I think it happened when I realized that everything I wanted in my life wont make me happy. That's why I cried, I cried because I realized that all the things I want won't make my life ideal, they just pushed me back. That happiness comes from within, but how? I was crying because I didn't know what I wanted in the end. I was finally crying because I was lonely...

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Afternoon thoughts

Here's how I feel when most people turn off their eyes after five minutes of my luck theory lecture, though I can't even finish of the introductions. Every day like a big zoo around :) but it's all right, better than you think. If others feel the same about me, it is all uber :)

Coffee in your cornflakes

Once I had a lecture by Professor Ian Robertson about forgetfulness, distraction and inattention. Why do we sometimes pour coffee in our cornflakes instead of milk? Why don't we remember how we find ourselves somewhere else? Leaving home with slippers, etc. The answer to all the questions is automation, which is the result of routine and loos of the joy of life. Despite the fact that one of the most sophisticated mechanisms in the world is installed between our ears, a normal statistical person on the way to work does not look around, he does not know how many and what buildings are around, do not look at people, can not even tell the colour of the co-workers' eyes. Most of our behavioural complexes are habits. It's like a soft which w e will gradually install ourselves. Looks like we look, but we don't see it because we don't pay attention. To sum up, we control only a small part of our actions, and we leave the rest of the controls in the brain. So we tur...

Confession of go-go boy (Part 2)

I didn't always look like that. Have you ever heard the story of the "Ugly Duckling"? Right now, you're looking at it, I didn't always look like that. I always lucked confidence, even I could win most of the time. But a lot of people could say I can, I'm good. These deep roots of mistrust have always paved the way for my dream to stand and dance. My dad chose my path for me when it came time to choose between dance school (Fagot - says - "not my son" blah blah blah) and architecture school, Until now I could not convince him so far that interior design (3 years) studies were like "pure" architecture (7 years). Even after leaving the parent's nest and twisting the nest for several months in LA, I still couldn't follow my dream - dance, because I was fighting the best guys (shit, I didn't have good body shape), I wasn't the best looking guy (I needed a little more time to strip my look), and I didn't know anyone who...

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